What You Need to Know About Repression

Recently I was watching old episodes of a TV show called Single Parents. It’s a half hour sitcom that follows single parents as they navigate caring for their young children. It’s a funny, light show for sure, but I was struck by something one of the characters said when talking about (not) dealing with his feelings. He (Douglas) has a three step model of dealing with feelings: 1) repress, 2) replace, and 3) move on.

Yikes.

What is repression?

Repression is essentially the process by which we refuse to acknowledge our thoughts and feelings. There isn’t consensus on whether this is entirely a conscious or unconscious process, but I tend to view repression as pretty automatic.

Repression is a somewhat natural, and helpful psychological process. It helps us protect even ourselves from very difficult thoughts and feelings that seem overwhelming. In this way, it gives us time and space to shore up our resilience in order to resolve or address the concern in the future. It can help us put those negative emotions away, but hopefully only temporarily.

And here’s the tricky thing about emotions, no matter how we deal (or don’t deal) with them, it doesn’t mean that they cease to exist. These feelings stay with us until we give them the necessary time and attention. How much of that time, or space, is necessary? That’s one of the mysteries of psychology. I’m a therapist and I haven’t come up with a good answer to this question - maybe there isn’t one. As each person, and their relationship to their feelings, is different it’s almost impossible to predict when we might be able to be “done'“ with a certain feeling. But, also why do we have to be?!

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Here’s the good news…

The good news is that we have our bodies, and our minds, as these incredibly powerful sources of data for us. Thoughts can key us into things that we may be struggling with but not consciously acknowledging. Sometimes we also somaticize feelings in our bodies - meaning that a corresponding sensation in our bodies can provide us with information about things that we aren’t consciously dealing with. Feelings like anger and anxiety, as well as other emotions have been found to cause inflammation in the body - leaving the body in a consistent state of stress. We might subjectively experience this as “uneasiness” in our bodies. It’s also relatively common to experience exacerbation of old injuries and chronic pains when experiencing high stress levels. Back injuries, for example, often exacerbate when paired with new life stressors even if there has been no new physical injury.

Our bodies can help us check-in. Repression will keep us stuck in our pain, only for it to pop up when we least expect it.

So what do you do about this?

Make time to check-in and be proactive

Ideally we all would proactively take time in our days (or week) to sit down, pause, and reflect. Some people do this by journaling or morning pages. But, if you find that to be too daunting then you can also try to pay closer attention to what your body might be telling you. Feeling tension in your shoulders? Perhaps you’re worried about something. Tension headaches? Maybe you’ve been in a constant state of stress for the past week about a work or school project. Stomach upset? Maybe it’s something you ate or maybe you’re feeling unsettled and unsafe. These are just a few examples of common ways feelings show up in the body.

No matter how you individually might experience and manifest your feelings, it’s important to have a system that helps you check in with yourself regularly. Otherwise, repression is running the show and you have less control over when and how these feelings come to light.

This post was previously published at Viva.

3 Powerful Ways to Cope with Racism

Research has demonstrated that racism has a negative impact on the mental health of people of color leading to feelings of isolation, anger, depression and lower self-esteem. It goes without saying that this avoidable phenomenon needs to continue to be addressed on both the individual and societal levels.Discrimination in its many forms can be damaging to anyone and the more one experiences these prejudicial behaviors, the more difficult it can be to bounce back from its effects. While I want to be clear that those in power who create systems of racism and discrimination should be the ones dismantling them, I also want to offer some practical suggestions on coping with the effects of racism.With the election (and re-election) of President Obama and the 2013 killing of Trayvon Martin and more recently the killings of Eric Gardner and Mike Brown, the United States has experienced a resurgence of tense racial relations. At best, conversations have become increasingly difficult between groups while at worst, young men and women of color are losing their lives in racially charged incidents.Here are some basic suggestions that you, as a person of color, might use to help cope with the effects of racism:

Find solace where you feel the most comfortable

As the old saying goes, there is strength in numbers. Getting support from those who you know are sympathetic to your experiences can be extremely helpful in managing the anger and frustration of having experienced discrimination. You can reach out to friends, family members or other loved ones for consistent emotional support. You may also want to consider joining a local social or activism group (such as a local chapter of the NAACP) where you can receive support and participate in anti-racism efforts. Churches and religious institutions have historically been involved in anti-racism efforts so you may also find support and fellowship in those venues as well.

Use your voice

Experiencing discrimination in any form can be extremely isolating and racism can leave you feeling particularly marginalized given the belief by many Americans that racism no longer exists. In the moment, use your voice to call out racism whether it's when you're among friends, family members or colleagues. Take special care to evaluate the risks and benefits of confronting racism with some folks and strangers as your personal safety might also be at risk.

Join the movement

There are a significant portion of people in the United States, and in the world for that matter, that recognize that racism is still an everyday experience for many folks. Consider joining a local social justice group that addresses the impact of racism. Using your voice and personal experience to fight against bias can be a very empowering experience for you and you will also help prevent others from the feelings of isolation and humiliation that you may have experienced.It is an unfortunate reality that racism still exists and affects the lives of many people around the United States and the world. It has been noted that experiencing racism can lead to feelings of self-doubt, anger, frustration, humiliation and isolation.If you have experienced racism, the suggestions mentioned in this article might help manage those effects. If you still have difficulty with your experiences and feel that your difficulties warrant more individualized attention you may want to contact me directly or another local therapist for ongoing emotional support.