Recovering Addicts Share Words of Wisdom on Finding Forgiveness After Treatment

Guest post contributed by Cecelia Johnson.

Forgiveness: it’s easy to want, but not as simple to give. It can be especially difficult when it comes to a former substance abuse problem. Even after someone has found sobriety, it’s not always easy for loved ones to let go of past pain.I had the recent opportunity to speak with addiction treatment graduates who shared their stories about picking up the pieces. Here are a few of their insights on finding sobriety and forgiveness.

It takes time

Few people leave treatment and expect that things will immediately be perfect. Even if you’ve gone through family counseling as part of your rehabilitation, it’s going to be a learning curve for everyone. There are new boundaries and routines to get used to, and for your loved ones, it might take some time to learn to trust you again.“It’s a process. Like anything in life or recovery, it’s a process,” John noted.After finding lasting sobriety at the Treehouse in Texas, John was eager to return home and be the best possible husband and father — but it came in small steps.“I was still around taking care of my kids and being involved with them. Then my wife started to trust me to come home for two nights a week, so I started coming home on weekends,” he recalled.There were a few setbacks and it was tough to be away from his family, but John said he tried to make the most of it.“It sucked,” he admitted, “but at the same time, it allowed me some space to keep working on me. I was able to read more and to journal more. There were some benefits too.”

There may be more going on than you realize

It isn’t always the people who you’ve directly wronged who have trouble forgiving you. For some, it’s their loyalties to others that make them hesitant to trust you again.“One of my friends was really cold to me when I tried to reach out to her when I got sober,” Wendy explained. “I asked her what was wrong, and she said, ‘What’s wrong? You put our friends through so much!’ Even though I never did anything to her, she’s really hurt by what I’ve done to other people.”Wendy said that at first she was crushed, but ultimately she realized her friend had a right to be upset. And all she can do is give her time to heal.“You can’t push it. There’s nothing I can do about people not wanting to make amends. They’ll be ready, or they won’t,” she said.

Your loved ones just might surprise you

For all the people who aren’t ready to forgive, there are often just as many who will be ready. People are often more understanding than we expect them to be, and most have a deep appreciation for someone trying to get their life back on track.“You don’t realize it; you don’t think about it. You just think that you’re so bad, what you’ve done is just so horrible, but there are still people who care,” said Christy, whose friends, family, and neighbors banded together to help fix up her house when she went to treatment.“These people that we barely knew probably have family members, people that they are close to that may be in a similar situation,” she went on. “You don’t realize that other people really can relate. You don’t think that. You don’t know that. But there are a lot of people out there who do understand.”So don’t lose hope. With time comes healing, and often that’s all that people need. Your patience and understanding may be all you can offer right now. In the meantime, focus on rebuilding the relationships you still have — including the one with yourself.

And if you’re the one who is being asked for forgiveness, remember that it’s one of the most priceless, cherished gifts you could ever give to someone. 

Cecelia Johnson believes strongly in the power of good deeds and recognizing great work. That’s why she created RecognitionWorks.org. The site is dedicated to connecting those who’ve been awarded for exemplary work in their communities to companies and organizations that can help them continue their admirable efforts through donations, sponsorships, and gifts. By making these connections, she hopes to build stronger, more altruistic communities and citizens.