Shadow Work: Demystifying the Helpful, but Arduous 3 Stage Process
*This post contains an affiliate link.
In an earlier post, I wrote about what every beginner should know about shadow work. Today, I want to take it a step further and detail what I think are three main stages of shadow work.
The goal of shadow work is to make the unconscious conscious. You are able to make that connection through consistent effort in reflecting more deeply through practices such as shadow work journal prompts, trauma-informed grounding, and affirmations for self-compassion. The last bit is particularly important as shadow work typically involves contact with less desirable parts of yourself - and, of course, that doesn't always bring out the most hopeful thoughts and feelings for us.
Ultimately, shadow work has a lot of personal value and the goal is to heal parts of yourself that you didn't realize needed healing. Shadow work also helps you work to accept all parts of you because they are, well, part of what makes you YOU.
I think of shadow work as occurring in three main parts: detachment, exploration or growth, and integration.
3 stages of shadow work graphic jorel caraballo
Detachment
Detachment is a stage, or a state, of being disconnected from one's self and experiences. With respect to shadow work, this doesn't just involve being disconnected from feelings in any particular moment in your day, but more so being detached generally from your deep-seated feelings and worries. In my experience, this means also being detached (or often minimizing) the hurt you've experienced throughout different parts of your life.
If you ignore your pain you also miss an opportunity for relief and healing. You can’t heal what doesn’t hurt.
Detachment usually offers you the ability to not feel all the things you don't want to feel. It also affords you the ability of not disrupting the ways in which you like to see yourself, as is often necessary in shadow work.
This is the stage before any actual shadow work begins. It is usually the space we occupy most often and it often feels like discomfort and confusion about your own motivations and reactions. You may realize something isn't quite right but you're not sure what it is or how to go about addressing your concerns.
Exploration
This stage of shadow work is the first active stage of "work." Simply put, this is the work of reflecting more deeply, delving into your memories and making space for unconscious material to come up.
A shadow work workbook will help you by typically offering meditations and journal prompts to dig more deeply. Like most personal development work, it can ebb and flow depending on your capacity and other things going on in your life, and how you prioritize this kind of work.
In this stage you're like to experience a range of emotions like joy and relief, as well as sadness and grief. This stage is all about revealing deeper truths and making important psychological (and/or spiritual) connections. You are likely to learn a great deal about yourself and start to see a clear path towards self-acceptance and healing. That being said, this phase is often very tough to work through, as you might imagine.
Integration
This final stage is all about working to integrate the emotional material revealed in the exploration stage. This means finding a way to apply what you've learned in your reflections into everyday life.
For example, if you were able to learn about your pattern of feeling helpless, integration would look like implementing new ways to use your personal power or agency in situations in your life. That might sound like learning to set boundaries with loved ones or work, for example. Integration could also look like forgiving yourself for past mistakes and learning to live alongside your guilt without letting it completely derail your sense of self. You may adopt a practice of self-compassion to help you work on that. Any of these things can be worked on solo or with the help of a licensed therapist.
When you're in this stage, it can also feel surprisingly tough to adjust to the changes you're making in your life. You will have to deal with how your changes also impact those around you. The really great news is that you will feel a greater sense of ease and inner peace as you accept your imperfection.
I hope this provides some important clarity on what shadow work is and what to expect in the process.
You can learn more by connecting with me on Instagram @jorelcaraballo.
FAQ: What is shadow work?
Shadow work is the process of making the unconscious conscious. It was coined by Carl Jung to help promote internal self-awareness and acceptance.
How Becoming an Author Made Me Fall in Love with Books Again
*This post contains an affiliate link.
If you’re interested in becoming an author one piece of advice you hear often is “read more.” I didn’t get it at first, but after writing my own book, I better understand this advice.
Reading as a student
Over the past 20 years most of the reading in my life has been academic. And if you have gone into higher education then you also know how much of a burden the reading schedule can be (especially in graduate school!). With that, I found it harder to feel the love and magic of books. Most of the writing I was subjected to was scholarly and dry (or boring as all hell) but necessary to advance my career. Following graduate school that kind of reading persisted as I leaned hard on academic journals and the hallmark mental health texts to try and become the kind of therapist I thought I needed to be. I don’t regret it now, but it was certainly a departure from the relationship I had with books at a young age.
Books used to be less informational & more entertaining
When I was young, I used to LOVE reading. So much so that I got chastised (and maybe that’s a strong word) for reading too much and not being outside enough - doing all the kinds of things that other boys do. That’s not to say I didn’t have my fun exploring the woods in suburban/rural North Carolina. I definitely did. I had my own collection of stick weapons and hiding spots that my imagination helped make real.When I was younger reading was a legitimately fun leisure actively. I loved being able to venture into unknown worlds and get to know people I never would have had the opportunity to meet in my small town. I loved being able to see writers delving deeply into the language of feelings, exploring their characters motivations and choices. In my mind I was having conversations with writers (and their characters) about the nature of people and why we do the things we do. I also wanted to win all the pizza parties and buy a ridiculous amount of books for Accelerated Reader. Anybody else?
Coming back to books
As I began writing The Shadow Work Workbook I made a committment to myself (and the author gods) to get back into reading - and mostly for entertainment and leisure. This lead me to Black Buck by Mateo Askaripour and The Last of the Mentally Ill, written by my friend Joseph Rauch (and oh so good!) among some other really great books that you can find on my Instagram. It's been great to see how both fiction, and non-fiction writers utilize form and voice to share their stories create impact. And, now, as a reader I have a different kind of lens. But more than that, I've noticed that my days feel a bit richer as I dig into these characters' lives, which is definitely something to be thankful for these days.If you've had a similar journey with reading, just know that it's OK to ease your way back into reading for enjoyment and that's not something for which you need to feel guilty. Take your time and enjoy these books just as they were designed for you to do!