October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and as we enter the middle of the month, I want to take a moment to address an issue that is often overlooked; intimate partner violence in LGBTQ relationships.

Traditionally when people discuss the impact and dynamics in domestically violent (DV) relationships they most often assume that the victim is a woman and the perpetrator a male. Obviously this discounts the experience of many people across the country and world who identify as LGBT or are male victims of intimate partner violence (IPV).Intimate partner violence can occur in the context of any relationship pairing, although with the recent incident involving NFL player Ray Rice attacking his then fiance, the media would lead you to believe that only large football players exercise this type of violence against their female partners.

Violence and coercion can exist in any relationship whether that is a same-sex pairing or not. Recent statistics even suggest that rates of intimate partner violence among LGBTQ people are similar to that of heterosexual couples. A recent study by the University of New Hampshire found that as many as 40% of LGBTQ students in relationships had experienced intimate partner violence. The dynamics of intimate partner violence among LGBTQ people, however, can differ greatly.

First take a look at this Power & Control Wheel which is widely accepted and used in the social sciences field to educate people about the dynamics of domestic violence in relationships: Does anything stand out to you?

You may notice the gendered language and the assumption that the perpetrator is always male (and the victim female). This old-fashioned way of looking at domestic violence ignores the fact that women can also be perpetrators of violence and use emotional coercion to control and intimidate partners.

Now, take a look at the following image describing the dynamics of domestic violence in LGBTQ relationships:

Do you notice the differences? Not only is the language gender neutral but the actual acts of control and dynamics of power differ greatly. While some acts overlap between the traditional model and the LGBTQ model, you see that the LGBTQ model also includes acts specific to queer relationships.For example, you may have noticed the threat of "outing" a partner to friends, families or coworkers as well as the use of homophobia, biphobia or transphobia to control and manipulate a partner.

While the specific dynamics may differ between LGBTQ and heterosexual couples, the one constant is that one partner continuously exerts power and control over their partner by the use of emotional and/or physical abuse. This is an obviously dangerous relationship to be in and certainly no way to live.

Often times, the threat of serious harm is not only great during the relationship but is usually at its peak right after the termination of the relationship. Safety planning and serious support is likely needed to help a friend or loved one move on from an abusive relationship, and leaving should not be taken lightly.

If you or a friend are currently concerned about your relationship, contact a local therapist or community agency to get the discrete support you need. For more information on intimate partner violence and resources please contact the National Domestic Violence at 1-800-799-7233 or visit their website here.

Intimate Partner Violence in LGBTQ Relationships