What does it mean to be sex positive?

I was having a discussion with some colleagues recently about how we communicate with clients about our own comfort in talking about sex and sexuality issues in counseling. I said that I considered myself to be a therapist that is, "sex positive, kink positive, LGBTQ and poly affirming.

"But what does that really mean?

Being sex positive isn't about having a healthy dose of enthusiasm for sex, but more so about adopting a perspective that is affirming of diverse and individual forms of sex and sexuality. That is, where  traditional notions of sexuality are about controlling behavior through shame, judgment and perhaps guilt, being sex positive means operating from an entirely different lens. It means affirming an individual's right to enjoy the kind of sex they're having, who they're having it with and however frequent feels right for them.  That is, as long as that sexuality is between consenting parties (legally, ethically and morally).

Being sex positive means affirming the various ways in which people enjoy expressing themselves through their sexuality. In essence, sex positive reinforces each individual's right to self-determine what works for them sexually.

As a therapist, this means that I approach each client's sexuality with an open mind. Instead of inducing shame, it's about helping clients get the most out of their sex lives while minimizing any concerns or negative consequences. Often, this includes helping couples figure out ways to rekindle their sexual lives and helping individuals become more comfortable in owning their desires and attractions.

Many of us have been taught that sex and sexuality are things that we should feel shame about.  Sex positivity isn't about being pro sex but more so about reducing that shame and stigma so that whether you are highly sexual or asexual, you find the best way to make your sexuality work for you.

Shedding Light on Suicide: Building Hope and Sharing Resources

Almost 30,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year.  Unfortunately, people with serious mental health conditions resort to suicide often as a way to alleviate crippling emotional pain.  If you are struggling with thoughts of death and suicidal thoughts, here are some tips that may help:

1. Help is only a click (or phone call) away.

There are many local and national helplines that can help you if you are having suicidal thoughts.  First off, if you feel danger is imminent 911 is the best resource. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 is a great resource that will help link you with local resources no matter where you live in the United States.  Those local in New York City can call Lifenet that offers both English (1-800-LIFENET) and Spanish (1-877-298-3373) support lines.  LGBT specific helpline support is available via The Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386. And if you identify as a member of the trans community, there is another great resource called the Trans Lifeline that can be reached at 877-565-8860 in the United States and 877-330-6366 in Canada.

2.  Stay the course.

If you have been prescribed medications for mental health conditions like depression, then continue to take them. Do not stop any prescribed medications unless otherwise directed to by a physician or psychiatrist.  If you feel like these medications are posing some risk to you or have unbearable side effects, contact your prescriber immediately or visit a local emergency room if you feel that need is urgent.

3. Seek out professional, ongoing support.

Continue to utilize therapy or find ongoing support from a therapist.  Suicidal thoughts can be very difficult to deal with, especially alone.  Seek out a professional, licensed therapist to help you work through your immediate feelings and develop a plan that helps you battle your thoughts and move toward a healthier and more satisfied life.  This professional can also provide ongoing support to help you work through any underlying issues or concerns you may be having.

4.  Remind yourself your are not alone.

Suicidal thoughts can be very isolating and it's very difficult to share with others what you may be experiencing internally, especially if there is outside pressure to be happy or to act a certain way, which is common in many cultures.  In those dark moments, gently remind yourself that many others have thoughts of suicide and there is hope for you. There is another way to get through the pain.For more information about suicide prevention please consult with any of the resources linked above. Also, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has a great FAQ page if you or a loved one are experiencing thoughts of suicide.