Recovering Addicts Share Words of Wisdom on Finding Forgiveness After Treatment

Guest post contributed by Cecelia Johnson.

Forgiveness: it’s easy to want, but not as simple to give. It can be especially difficult when it comes to a former substance abuse problem. Even after someone has found sobriety, it’s not always easy for loved ones to let go of past pain.I had the recent opportunity to speak with addiction treatment graduates who shared their stories about picking up the pieces. Here are a few of their insights on finding sobriety and forgiveness.

It takes time

Few people leave treatment and expect that things will immediately be perfect. Even if you’ve gone through family counseling as part of your rehabilitation, it’s going to be a learning curve for everyone. There are new boundaries and routines to get used to, and for your loved ones, it might take some time to learn to trust you again.“It’s a process. Like anything in life or recovery, it’s a process,” John noted.After finding lasting sobriety at the Treehouse in Texas, John was eager to return home and be the best possible husband and father — but it came in small steps.“I was still around taking care of my kids and being involved with them. Then my wife started to trust me to come home for two nights a week, so I started coming home on weekends,” he recalled.There were a few setbacks and it was tough to be away from his family, but John said he tried to make the most of it.“It sucked,” he admitted, “but at the same time, it allowed me some space to keep working on me. I was able to read more and to journal more. There were some benefits too.”

There may be more going on than you realize

It isn’t always the people who you’ve directly wronged who have trouble forgiving you. For some, it’s their loyalties to others that make them hesitant to trust you again.“One of my friends was really cold to me when I tried to reach out to her when I got sober,” Wendy explained. “I asked her what was wrong, and she said, ‘What’s wrong? You put our friends through so much!’ Even though I never did anything to her, she’s really hurt by what I’ve done to other people.”Wendy said that at first she was crushed, but ultimately she realized her friend had a right to be upset. And all she can do is give her time to heal.“You can’t push it. There’s nothing I can do about people not wanting to make amends. They’ll be ready, or they won’t,” she said.

Your loved ones just might surprise you

For all the people who aren’t ready to forgive, there are often just as many who will be ready. People are often more understanding than we expect them to be, and most have a deep appreciation for someone trying to get their life back on track.“You don’t realize it; you don’t think about it. You just think that you’re so bad, what you’ve done is just so horrible, but there are still people who care,” said Christy, whose friends, family, and neighbors banded together to help fix up her house when she went to treatment.“These people that we barely knew probably have family members, people that they are close to that may be in a similar situation,” she went on. “You don’t realize that other people really can relate. You don’t think that. You don’t know that. But there are a lot of people out there who do understand.”So don’t lose hope. With time comes healing, and often that’s all that people need. Your patience and understanding may be all you can offer right now. In the meantime, focus on rebuilding the relationships you still have — including the one with yourself.

And if you’re the one who is being asked for forgiveness, remember that it’s one of the most priceless, cherished gifts you could ever give to someone. 

Cecelia Johnson believes strongly in the power of good deeds and recognizing great work. That’s why she created RecognitionWorks.org. The site is dedicated to connecting those who’ve been awarded for exemplary work in their communities to companies and organizations that can help them continue their admirable efforts through donations, sponsorships, and gifts. By making these connections, she hopes to build stronger, more altruistic communities and citizens.

Lady Gaga Opens Up About Living with PTSD

Performer Lady Gaga recently opened up about living with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The condition affects about 8 million US adults each year (US Department of Veteran Affairs).  Lady Gaga recently penned an open letter for her Born This Way Foundation that I am sharing here in its entirety to help those who may be living with PTSD.

She writes:

"I have wrestled for some time about when, how and if I should reveal my diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). After five years of searching for the answers to my chronic pain and the change I have felt in my brain, I am finally well enough to tell you. There is a lot of shame attached to mental illness, but it’s important that you know that there is hope and a chance for recovery.It is a daily effort for me, even during this album cycle, to regulate my nervous system so that I don’t panic over circumstances that to many would seem like normal life situations. Examples are leaving the house or being touched by strangers who simply want to share their enthusiasm for my music.

I also struggle with triggers from the memories I carry from my feelings of past years on tour when my needs and requests for balance were being ignored. I was overworked and not taken seriously when I shared my pain and concern that something was wrong. I ultimately ended up injured on the Born This Way Ball. That moment and the memory of it has changed my life forever. The experience of performing night after night in mental and physical pain ingrained in me a trauma that I relive when I see or hear things that remind me of those days.

I also experience something called dissociation which means that my mind doesn’t want to relive the pain so “I look off and I stare” in a glazed over state. As my doctors have taught me, I cannot express my feelings because my pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that controls logical, orderly thought) is overridden by the amygdala (which stores emotional memory) and sends me into a fight or flight response.  My body is in one place and my mind in another. It’s like the panic accelerator in my mind gets stuck and I am paralyzed with fear.

When this happens I can’t talk. When this happens repeatedly, it makes me have a common PTSD reaction which is that I feel depressed and unable to function like I used to. It’s harder to do my job. It’s harder to do simple things like take a shower. Everything has become harder. Additionally, when I am unable to regulate my anxiety, it can result in somatization, which is pain in the body caused by an inability to express my emotional pain in words.

But I am a strong and powerful woman who is aware of the love I have around me from my team, my family and friends, my doctors and from my incredible fans who I know will never give up on me.  I will never give up on my dreams of art and music. I am continuing to learn how to transcend this because I know I can.  If you relate to what I am sharing, please know that you can too.

Traditionally, many associate PTSD as a condition faced by brave men and women that serve countries all over the world. While this is true, I seek to raise awareness that this mental illness affects all kinds of people, including our youth. I pledge not only to help our youth not feel ashamed of their own conditions, but also to lend support to those servicemen and women who suffer from PTSD. No one’s invisible pain should go unnoticed.

I am doing various modalities of psychotherapy and am on medicine prescribed by my psychiatrist.  However, I believe that the most inexpensive and perhaps the best medicine in the world is words. Kind words…positive words…words that help people who feel ashamed of an invisible illness to overcome their shame and feel free. This is how I and we can begin to heal. I am starting today, because secrets keep you sick. And I don’t want to keep this secret anymore.

A note from my psychologist, Dr. Nancy: ‘If you think you might have PTSD, please seek professional help. There is so much hope for recovery. Many people think that the event that stimulated PTSD needs to be the focus. Yet often, people will experience the same event and have completely different reactions to it. It is my opinion that trauma occurs in an environment where your feelings and emotional experience are not valued, heard and understood.  The specific event is not the cause of traumatic experience.  This lack of a “relational home” for feelings is the true cause of traumatic experience.

Finding support is key.

Click here or visit the National Institute for Mental Health for more information on PTSD in all its forms and where to find help. If you are in crisis now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8225)."