Identifying Suicidal Thoughts: How to Recognize a Friend In Crisis
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide claimed the lives of an average of 105 people per day in the United States in 2010. That's 105 people who potentially could have been saved and moved on to live better and healthier lives.
Suicide is often a complicated and extreme choice that those who are in extreme suffering make. Given the nature of suicide it is imperative that all of us as family members, loved ones, friends and partners are able to identify early on that our loved ones may be considering such a final decision to end their pain.Generally speaking, people who are suicidal often have thoughts of dying and escaping their pain through death prior to an attempt. These may even be thoughts that you have had yourself at some point. While these examples below are not an exhaustive list, here are some examples of comments that are pretty strong indicators that you (or your loved one) should get help immediately:
"I have nothing to live for.""My family would be better off without me.""I just want to end it all.""I want to go to sleep and never wake up.""I just want to die."
If someone is considering suicide, it is also likely that they will show other behaviors that are pretty solid indicators that they may be in trouble. Here are a few examples from SAVE (Suicide Awareness Voices of Education):
Talking or feeling hopeless
Talking about or feeling like a burden to others
Making final arrangements or giving things away
Suddenly appearing happier or calmer after a period of depression
Preoccupation with death
If you observe any of these signs in a loved one or yourself you should always take them seriously. Call 911 and seek appropriate medical care to get your loved one the support he or she needs. Here are some online resources for suicide prevention:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
The Trevor Project 1-866-488-7386
3 Things To Do Right When You Wake Up
Trying to be productive after not having a great night's sleep can often be, what seems like, an insurmountable task. Here are my recommended 3 Things To Do Right When You Wake Up for a better day.
Wake up to peace and quiet (sort of)
OK, this one sounds a little counter intuitive, however the way you wake up can often be the first sign of a great day or trouble. This tip actually starts the night before. If you can help it, try to be more aware of how you would like to wake up each morning. Use a clock radio, cell phone or other digital device to set your own personal wake up anthem that you know puts you in a positive mood. Could it be a song? Sure. What about another soothing sound? Absolutely. I once used a sleep app called Sleep Cycle that uses a volume escalating alarm that starts slow and low before escalating to a shock inducing buzzer. It's a much more gentle way to wake up but even a positive song (possible suggestion: Don't Worry Be Happy?) can help you start your day off on the right foot.
Stretch it out
Taking a few moments to stretch before getting out of bed can be a quick an easy way to improve flexibility and limit injury.
In an article on Huffington Post, Director of the Sleep to Live Institute Dr. Robert Oexman states:
"The greatest incidence of slipped discs occurs within 30 to 60 minutes after we wake up."
Stretching out your back can help limit back injuries throughout the day which can be especially helpful if you work in a labor-intensive environment or even sit most of the day in front of a computer screen. You can read the full article here.
Wake up with intention
In order to get mentally prepared for the day, take a few moments to decide how you want to envision your day. A few moments of visualization can help you set the tone for the entire day. Here are some questions you may want to ask yourself:
What goals do I want to achieve today?
How can I best meet those goals?
What challenges might I face today? And, how will I face them head on?
While there is no fail proof way to have the perfect day, taking a few extra moments in your morning to wake up nicely, stretch and envision the day's events can help your move throughout your day with a sense of feeling balanced and motivated.
"Do I have ADHD?"
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD as its commonly called, is a condition that affects many children throughout the United States each year. Unfortunately, many adults who have difficulty concentrating at work or school often go undiagnosed because ADHD is commonly thought of as a kid's problem.If you have difficulty focusing on tasks at work or even sitting still for periods of time, it may be worth both your time and energy to check in with a licensed mental health professional about the possibility of having ADHD. I have seen cases of adults who have not realized that their difficulties might actually be the result of a longstanding undiagnosed condition such as ADHD versus them just being "high energy" or "fidgety".
Here are some signs that you might have ADHD:
Frequently disorganized spaces at home or work
Difficulty maintaining intense or emotional conversations with your partner or loved ones
Poor listening skills
Frequently missing deadlines at work
Trouble starting or finishing tasks
Impulsive behavior or being "quick-tempered"
Have you asked yourself, "Do I have ADHD?" Here is a short quiz (click the link) to help you determine if you might be one of the approximated 5% of adults who struggle with ADHD.
Intimate Partner Violence in LGBTQ Relationships
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and as we enter the middle of the month, I want to take a moment to address an issue that is often overlooked; intimate partner violence in LGBTQ relationships.
Traditionally when people discuss the impact and dynamics in domestically violent (DV) relationships they most often assume that the victim is a woman and the perpetrator a male. Obviously this discounts the experience of many people across the country and world who identify as LGBT or are male victims of intimate partner violence (IPV).Intimate partner violence can occur in the context of any relationship pairing, although with the recent incident involving NFL player Ray Rice attacking his then fiance, the media would lead you to believe that only large football players exercise this type of violence against their female partners.
Violence and coercion can exist in any relationship whether that is a same-sex pairing or not. Recent statistics even suggest that rates of intimate partner violence among LGBTQ people are similar to that of heterosexual couples. A recent study by the University of New Hampshire found that as many as 40% of LGBTQ students in relationships had experienced intimate partner violence. The dynamics of intimate partner violence among LGBTQ people, however, can differ greatly.
First take a look at this Power & Control Wheel which is widely accepted and used in the social sciences field to educate people about the dynamics of domestic violence in relationships: Does anything stand out to you?
You may notice the gendered language and the assumption that the perpetrator is always male (and the victim female). This old-fashioned way of looking at domestic violence ignores the fact that women can also be perpetrators of violence and use emotional coercion to control and intimidate partners.
Now, take a look at the following image describing the dynamics of domestic violence in LGBTQ relationships:
LGBT Power and Control Wheel
Do you notice the differences? Not only is the language gender neutral but the actual acts of control and dynamics of power differ greatly. While some acts overlap between the traditional model and the LGBTQ model, you see that the LGBTQ model also includes acts specific to queer relationships.For example, you may have noticed the threat of "outing" a partner to friends, families or coworkers as well as the use of homophobia, biphobia or transphobia to control and manipulate a partner.
While the specific dynamics may differ between LGBTQ and heterosexual couples, the one constant is that one partner continuously exerts power and control over their partner by the use of emotional and/or physical abuse. This is an obviously dangerous relationship to be in and certainly no way to live.
Often times, the threat of serious harm is not only great during the relationship but is usually at its peak right after the termination of the relationship. Safety planning and serious support is likely needed to help a friend or loved one move on from an abusive relationship, and leaving should not be taken lightly.
If you or a friend are currently concerned about your relationship, contact a local therapist or community agency to get the discrete support you need. For more information on intimate partner violence and resources please contact the National Domestic Violence at 1-800-799-7233 or visit their website here.
What to Consider Before Starting Therapy
Any counselor or therapist worth their salt will tell you that therapy is not an easy process. Often clients come in with the hope of finding clarity, insight or peace. While this is in line with my personal counseling philosophy, achieving those things often involves delving into painful thoughts and negative feelings at times.That being said, therapy is an investment. It's both an investment of your time and energy. The hope and goal should be to establish a net gain that makes delving into the complexities of your life all worth it. There are, however, a few things you should consider before entering therapy:
The therapist
It is widely known in the counseling community that the single most important contributor to success in your counseling process is the relationship between you and your therapist. That means that you should exercise your discretion in choosing who you think will be a good fit for you. Do your research! Look at your potential therapist's website and social media accounts to get a feel about who they are and their perspective on therapy. Here are some possible things to consider:
What is their philosophy on mental health? What kind of treatment do they offer? Do they have times available that are convenient for you? Do they have the appropriate training, education and licensure?
Cost & Value
I've included both cost and value of therapy as potential things to consider. While some use these terms interchangeably, I think there's a bit of nuance to unpack, especially when considering the personal investment that is therapy. I tend to think of cost as the bare bones dollar amount that you pay for a service. Basically, can you afford this therapist's hourly rate based on your income? If not, do they offer a sliding scale for people with lower incomes? Conversely, value refers to the actual financial cost versus your potential therapist's training and specialty. More simply put, do you feel this potential therapist is worth what they charge?
Location
You won't make it to your regular appointments if it's horribly inconvenient for you to do so. Does your potential new therapist work out of a convenient office location? Again, value comes into play here. If your therapist is a little out of the way, do you think their services are worth the extra trip?
PS If your therapist's office is inconvenient for some reason, you may want to inquire about Skype or online therapy services.Time. Do you have the time to commit to weekly meetings? What about twice monthly? Is your potential therapist flexible enough to meet your scheduling needs? If not, then you should likely ask for a referral to another provider.