Shadow Work: What Every Beginner Needs To Know For Better Mental Health
If you've spent some time in the psychology or self-help sections of a bookstore then maybe you've come across this idea of shadow work. I'm here to provide some clarity on what shadow work is and how it can benefit your mental health.
Carl Jung helped make shadow work mainstream
Analyst Carl Jung is the theorist behind the idea of the shadow and shadow work. In essence, whereas Sigmund Freud came up with the idea of making the "unconscious conscious" Jung reimagined the shadow as an unconscious part of the self that needs acceptance and integration to be "resolved". He felt we could live with the unconscious shadow self through a process of examination and integration leading to better mental health. These are very similar concepts, with slightly different language and perspective. Often cited in spiritual circles, Jung's work often highlights a more holistic perspective on mental health than his contemporaries, which is why a lot of the shadow work material you'll find is provided by healers of different disciplines.
I think this quote on consciousness summarizes Jung's perspective very well...
Carl Jung image source: Vision.org
Making the unconscious conscious
Jung believed that if we were to make the unconscious conscious (and become aware of ourselves in ways we don't normally devote time to) then we could 1) feel more whole, enlightened, and integrated and 2) be empowered to take daily actions that help bring more fulfillment and peace in our lives. And, who wouldn't want that? But, what could that look like exactly?
For example, let's say that as a young child you were very interested in art and painting. As you grew up, you received less and less affirmation for your interest, or skill, and art fell by the wayside. Now, you're in your mid 30s and struggling to find fulfillment in life. You don't like your job but it otherwise provides structure and financial security that you need. You feel uneasy with it but aren't sure why because you don't see a "problem."
Enter shadow work.
Here shadow work would help you explore, and make connection to your inner child, and find a way to connect with art and creativity again. That may not necessarily lead to becoming a full time artist, but it could mean making sure to incorporate a more creative process in your life regularly so that you feel more at peace and in connection with, a deeper part of yourself.
This is one example of what shadow work could help you with. I will continue to share more about shadow work here AND you can also order my book The Shadow Work Workbook scheduled for release September 2022.
I'm writing a book!
One of the things that I like most about my job as a therapist is my ability to help people. This is a family value that was passed down in action, not just words, that I try to embody as much as I can. Most days, helping often looks like helping clients learn more about themselves, and helping them to understand what motivates and encourages them. Helping also means supporting clients to learn what hurts them and how that pain influences their life choices. Ultimately, the goal is to help the people I work with feel better within themselves and feel empowered to live the life they wish to have.
This is probably the thing I LIKE MOST about being a therapist. One thing I really DON’T LIKE about therapy is that my ability to reach people is limited by how much time I have in the day. And what is likely unsurprising to those of you reading this, there never seems to be enough time, or energy, to reach all the people I’d like to support and talk to.
picture of Jor-El Caraballo writing a book at a table outdoors
This is what writing a book looks like, but with a lot less smiling
Fortunately, for me this is changing!
I’m really excited to announce that I’ll get to share some practical advice in my book The Shadow Work Workbook out September 2022 from Adams Media (Simon and Schuster)!.
This workbook will provide a path for deeper self-reflection with topic based entries and journal prompts. It will also include exercises for grounding and affirmations to help you embrace self-care and self-compassion as you do the hard work of connecting with your hidden shadow side to heal. I’ve always wanted to write something that brings together my personal knowledge and professional experiences to reach a lot more people and I think that The Shadow Work Workbook will do just that.
And, I’m just really EXCITED for you all to see it. You can click this link to order now!
Discover One Unexplored, Surprising Cost of Progress
What's the true cost of progress? Leveling up tends to bring a lot of discomfort.
It's OK to Embrace Ambition
I love determination. I appreciate ambition. I'm inspired by people who try to do their best. Maybe it's a part of the whole "American dream" that many of us are taught growing up. Maybe it's just a desire to always be continuing to improve. Maybe it's a function of never quite feeling "good enough".
Maybe it's all of the above?!
That being said, I think it's ok to strive and work hard for something we care about. I see this all the time in peers who do things like train hard for marathons, get advanced degrees, improve their business or secure the next big promotion. I think it's really cool to go after something that you want. It takes a lot of courage to be ambitious, knowing that you might stumble, or fail, and that people might also notice. It's incredibly vulnerable to be audacious.
With that, I don't think that we talk enough about the cost of embracing ambition and trying to get to the "next level."
The True Cost of Progress
We often talk a lot about all the wonderful goals, and achievements, we have especially on social media but rarely do I see people recognizing the mental health costs of progress. Progress often means much more discomfort. Of course, it feels good to make progress and get closer to goals that are meaningful to you, but I've found that even these really good moments come at the cost of peace of mind.
For some people, the discomfort of moving forward is a minimal, bearable adjustment. For others, moving up can also activate some long-held anxieties that you thought you had worked through long ago. This is something I experience when I take on a new project or learn a new skill - I consider it to be the burden of being a high-achieving student for most of my life. Always striving and always in competition with peers and myself. It's the burden of the old saying, "as long as you do your best, it'll all work out."
That means that my best (for now) has to be better than my previous best...perpetually.
Sound familiar at all?
Like most things, progress can also be a double-edged sword - making you oscillate between excitement over a new challenge and disruptive nervousness and anxiety until that thing is done. This isn't to say that either of these experiences is better than the other, perhaps they just exist as they are and we can do well for ourselves by making sure we understand the mental health cost of leveling up.
Self-Care is Not Always Instagrammable - Sometimes it's Just Banal
Self-care has been commodified by the mainstream as a “lifestyle” that’s only right if it’s complete with certain products and gadgets only afforded to those with the most resources. But self-care is so much more than that.
Self-care can Mean Doing Hard Work
Self-care isn’t only about indulging in bath bombs and other luxurious practices. Sometimes it is also very hard work. It can be doing something that you want to do that you know will bring relief (I personally love a long, warm bath to decompress) but might also look like doing things that are far less desirable. We must not forget that self-care is also all the boring, and sometimes hard, stuff that we like to forget like:
Challenging your own negative automatic thoughts
Making yourself exercise when that’s the last thing you want to do
Holding yourself accountable for your problematic behavior and making restitution
Washing your dishes, doing your laundry, etc.
Attending therapy
Scheduling your annual check ups
Doing deep introspection and shadow work
Grocery shopping
Brushing your teeth and showering regularly
Paying your monthly bills
Calling yourself out on your BS
Obviously, these things are a lot less glamorous than the gram would lead us to believe. But, they are also self-care. Not only do they remind us that self-care is self-preservation but it is also progressive. Many of these are the more day to day ways that we take care of ourselves and sometimes that means taking yourself to task.
Self-Care is Also Holding Yourself Accountable
Of course, I don’t generally advocate for people to shame themselves (or others for that matter). For most of us that doesn’t lead to substantive behavioral change. I know that for some, however, that can be motivating in small amounts.
That aside, self-care is also about keeping your word and holding yourself accountable to do the things you said you wanted to do. It’s sometimes saying to yourself, “I know you don’t want to do this but you’ve got to anyway. Let’s go!” It may also sound like, “If you continue to do what you’re doing you’re not going to get where you want to be.”
No shame. Just pragmatic and real.
So by all means, enjoy your CBD bath bombs and down time (I know I will!) but also don’t forget that sometimes showing yourself care means kicking your own butt a bit. We all need that some times.
What You Need to Know About Repression
Recently I was watching old episodes of a TV show called Single Parents. It’s a half hour sitcom that follows single parents as they navigate caring for their young children. It’s a funny, light show for sure, but I was struck by something one of the characters said when talking about (not) dealing with his feelings. He (Douglas) has a three step model of dealing with feelings: 1) repress, 2) replace, and 3) move on.
Yikes.
What is repression?
Repression is essentially the process by which we refuse to acknowledge our thoughts and feelings. There isn’t consensus on whether this is entirely a conscious or unconscious process, but I tend to view repression as pretty automatic.
Repression is a somewhat natural, and helpful psychological process. It helps us protect even ourselves from very difficult thoughts and feelings that seem overwhelming. In this way, it gives us time and space to shore up our resilience in order to resolve or address the concern in the future. It can help us put those negative emotions away, but hopefully only temporarily.
And here’s the tricky thing about emotions, no matter how we deal (or don’t deal) with them, it doesn’t mean that they cease to exist. These feelings stay with us until we give them the necessary time and attention. How much of that time, or space, is necessary? That’s one of the mysteries of psychology. I’m a therapist and I haven’t come up with a good answer to this question - maybe there isn’t one. As each person, and their relationship to their feelings, is different it’s almost impossible to predict when we might be able to be “done'“ with a certain feeling. But, also why do we have to be?!
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com
Here’s the good news…
The good news is that we have our bodies, and our minds, as these incredibly powerful sources of data for us. Thoughts can key us into things that we may be struggling with but not consciously acknowledging. Sometimes we also somaticize feelings in our bodies - meaning that a corresponding sensation in our bodies can provide us with information about things that we aren’t consciously dealing with. Feelings like anger and anxiety, as well as other emotions have been found to cause inflammation in the body - leaving the body in a consistent state of stress. We might subjectively experience this as “uneasiness” in our bodies. It’s also relatively common to experience exacerbation of old injuries and chronic pains when experiencing high stress levels. Back injuries, for example, often exacerbate when paired with new life stressors even if there has been no new physical injury.
Our bodies can help us check-in. Repression will keep us stuck in our pain, only for it to pop up when we least expect it.
So what do you do about this?
Make time to check-in and be proactive
Ideally we all would proactively take time in our days (or week) to sit down, pause, and reflect. Some people do this by journaling or morning pages. But, if you find that to be too daunting then you can also try to pay closer attention to what your body might be telling you. Feeling tension in your shoulders? Perhaps you’re worried about something. Tension headaches? Maybe you’ve been in a constant state of stress for the past week about a work or school project. Stomach upset? Maybe it’s something you ate or maybe you’re feeling unsettled and unsafe. These are just a few examples of common ways feelings show up in the body.
No matter how you individually might experience and manifest your feelings, it’s important to have a system that helps you check in with yourself regularly. Otherwise, repression is running the show and you have less control over when and how these feelings come to light.
This post was previously published at Viva.