Shadow Work: Demystifying the Helpful, but Arduous 3 Stage Process
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In an earlier post, I wrote about what every beginner should know about shadow work. Today, I want to take it a step further and detail what I think are three main stages of shadow work.
The goal of shadow work is to make the unconscious conscious. You are able to make that connection through consistent effort in reflecting more deeply through practices such as shadow work journal prompts, trauma-informed grounding, and affirmations for self-compassion. The last bit is particularly important as shadow work typically involves contact with less desirable parts of yourself - and, of course, that doesn't always bring out the most hopeful thoughts and feelings for us.
Ultimately, shadow work has a lot of personal value and the goal is to heal parts of yourself that you didn't realize needed healing. Shadow work also helps you work to accept all parts of you because they are, well, part of what makes you YOU.
I think of shadow work as occurring in three main parts: detachment, exploration or growth, and integration.
3 stages of shadow work graphic jorel caraballo
Detachment
Detachment is a stage, or a state, of being disconnected from one's self and experiences. With respect to shadow work, this doesn't just involve being disconnected from feelings in any particular moment in your day, but more so being detached generally from your deep-seated feelings and worries. In my experience, this means also being detached (or often minimizing) the hurt you've experienced throughout different parts of your life.
If you ignore your pain you also miss an opportunity for relief and healing. You can’t heal what doesn’t hurt.
Detachment usually offers you the ability to not feel all the things you don't want to feel. It also affords you the ability of not disrupting the ways in which you like to see yourself, as is often necessary in shadow work.
This is the stage before any actual shadow work begins. It is usually the space we occupy most often and it often feels like discomfort and confusion about your own motivations and reactions. You may realize something isn't quite right but you're not sure what it is or how to go about addressing your concerns.
Exploration
This stage of shadow work is the first active stage of "work." Simply put, this is the work of reflecting more deeply, delving into your memories and making space for unconscious material to come up.
A shadow work workbook will help you by typically offering meditations and journal prompts to dig more deeply. Like most personal development work, it can ebb and flow depending on your capacity and other things going on in your life, and how you prioritize this kind of work.
In this stage you're like to experience a range of emotions like joy and relief, as well as sadness and grief. This stage is all about revealing deeper truths and making important psychological (and/or spiritual) connections. You are likely to learn a great deal about yourself and start to see a clear path towards self-acceptance and healing. That being said, this phase is often very tough to work through, as you might imagine.
Integration
This final stage is all about working to integrate the emotional material revealed in the exploration stage. This means finding a way to apply what you've learned in your reflections into everyday life.
For example, if you were able to learn about your pattern of feeling helpless, integration would look like implementing new ways to use your personal power or agency in situations in your life. That might sound like learning to set boundaries with loved ones or work, for example. Integration could also look like forgiving yourself for past mistakes and learning to live alongside your guilt without letting it completely derail your sense of self. You may adopt a practice of self-compassion to help you work on that. Any of these things can be worked on solo or with the help of a licensed therapist.
When you're in this stage, it can also feel surprisingly tough to adjust to the changes you're making in your life. You will have to deal with how your changes also impact those around you. The really great news is that you will feel a greater sense of ease and inner peace as you accept your imperfection.
I hope this provides some important clarity on what shadow work is and what to expect in the process.
You can learn more by connecting with me on Instagram @jorelcaraballo.
FAQ: What is shadow work?
Shadow work is the process of making the unconscious conscious. It was coined by Carl Jung to help promote internal self-awareness and acceptance.
How Becoming an Author Made Me Fall in Love with Books Again
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If you’re interested in becoming an author one piece of advice you hear often is “read more.” I didn’t get it at first, but after writing my own book, I better understand this advice.
Reading as a student
Over the past 20 years most of the reading in my life has been academic. And if you have gone into higher education then you also know how much of a burden the reading schedule can be (especially in graduate school!). With that, I found it harder to feel the love and magic of books. Most of the writing I was subjected to was scholarly and dry (or boring as all hell) but necessary to advance my career. Following graduate school that kind of reading persisted as I leaned hard on academic journals and the hallmark mental health texts to try and become the kind of therapist I thought I needed to be. I don’t regret it now, but it was certainly a departure from the relationship I had with books at a young age.
Books used to be less informational & more entertaining
When I was young, I used to LOVE reading. So much so that I got chastised (and maybe that’s a strong word) for reading too much and not being outside enough - doing all the kinds of things that other boys do. That’s not to say I didn’t have my fun exploring the woods in suburban/rural North Carolina. I definitely did. I had my own collection of stick weapons and hiding spots that my imagination helped make real.When I was younger reading was a legitimately fun leisure actively. I loved being able to venture into unknown worlds and get to know people I never would have had the opportunity to meet in my small town. I loved being able to see writers delving deeply into the language of feelings, exploring their characters motivations and choices. In my mind I was having conversations with writers (and their characters) about the nature of people and why we do the things we do. I also wanted to win all the pizza parties and buy a ridiculous amount of books for Accelerated Reader. Anybody else?
Coming back to books
As I began writing The Shadow Work Workbook I made a committment to myself (and the author gods) to get back into reading - and mostly for entertainment and leisure. This lead me to Black Buck by Mateo Askaripour and The Last of the Mentally Ill, written by my friend Joseph Rauch (and oh so good!) among some other really great books that you can find on my Instagram. It's been great to see how both fiction, and non-fiction writers utilize form and voice to share their stories create impact. And, now, as a reader I have a different kind of lens. But more than that, I've noticed that my days feel a bit richer as I dig into these characters' lives, which is definitely something to be thankful for these days.If you've had a similar journey with reading, just know that it's OK to ease your way back into reading for enjoyment and that's not something for which you need to feel guilty. Take your time and enjoy these books just as they were designed for you to do!
Why I'm Writing a Book About Shadow Work
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I'll admit that even in the field of psychology shadow work isn't exactly a mainstream idea, so then why write about it? I think the key to better mental health, both within an individual and in the larger collective society, is about making the unconscious conscious.
What is shadow work?
In essence, making the unconscious conscious is at the root of shadow work. The shadow, as conceived by Carl Jung, represents the often hidden (and almost always undesired) parts of ourselves that we regularly have a hard time accessing. As we go about our daily lives, tending to our regular tasks, we all carry with us a shadow self.
Within in this shadow self are our deepest motivations, our hidden gifts, and our most profound traumas. If we work to cast a light on this shadow self, we can work towards true acknowledgement...and hopefully acceptance. Shadow work gives us a pathway towards this integration, ensuring that we learn to live alongside our shadow selves with a greater sense of awareness. With that awareness comes greater sense of personal ease and peace, as well as diminished likelihood that shadow self will run amok, working behind the scenes as it complicates our relationships, career and mental health.
Is the world changing...or are we, the people, changing?
In the past few years, we've seen a huge cultural shift in how greater society and politics shape our lives. This is true for the United States, but you may have noticed that white supremacy and white nationalism are up all around the world.
More broadly, there is an increase in violent rhetoric online and it's hard to escape the depth of pain that we're all experiencing on a day to day basis. It's clear to me that struggles for power, deep-seated feelings of envy and hatred, as well as self-loathing are more present than they have been in the past couple of decades.
As a therapist, and a healer, I believe this marks a cultural shift. There is an incredible amount of pain and grief in the world that we live in. I spend most of my days helping clients sift through that pain and make their way to fuller lives whether we're exploring career changes or relationship concerns. The context in which we live is challenging for many of us.
On top of that, the pandemic seems to have presented a reckoning for so many people. Some people began to realize just how unsatisfied they are with their lives. Others find it hard to be swayed by divisive beliefs on the corners of the internet.
As a young child, I was a fan of Greek mythology and it's almost as if Pandora opened the box herself in the past few years. Now, we're faced with an insurmountable amount of grief and loss collectively, all while navigating the challenges in our own personal corners of the world.
Eyes wide open
There is no doubt in my mind that the past few years have opened us all up in ways that we didn't anticipate. As all those darker sides of humanity (bigotry, violence, selfishness, etc.) find more ways to rear their ugly heads, I can't help but wonder how much better, or healthier, we could all be if we spent more time understanding ourselves in much deeper ways.
How might we be able to feel better, feel more connected, and more secure if we found ways to really BE with ourselves and accept ourselves...even the darker parts, more fully? How could the world look different if we all did our part to understand our rich, internal lives, so we didn't leak on others, or feel the impulse to project onto others our deepest insecurities and fears?
This is why I think shadow work is so important right now.
Healing comes through integration
While I don't claim to have all the answers (in fact, I think any wise person knows that they, in fact, know very little) I know through simple observation that as a collective, things really need to change in order for our world to sustain itself. Before we can really learn to take care of society's most vulnerable, before we can build families with a legacy of fulfillment and kindness we all have to do our part - our own internal work - to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be in this moment.
If you know that you are doing that - that you are embodying this best version of yourself right now, then I wholeheartedly commend you. As the world continues to spin, let us all make a concerted effort to create a world where we feel at peace internally - and have no problems in extending that peace outward. I think we desperately need it.
Rethinking Coping Skills on the Mood Ring Podcast
Do you ever struggle with guilt after using a coping strategy? If so, you're not alone.
I was able to join host Anna Borges on her podcast, Mood Ring, to talk about out sh*tty coping mechanisms and offered some tips on managing guilt and coping in ways that work best for you.
Listen to the episode below!
A Psychotherapist's Surprising Reaction to Moon Knight
From time to time I like to react to mainstream conversations of mental health. As I've gone farther along in my career, I find that how we talk and see mental health in the mainstream heavily influences how we (collectively) think about mental health and how people see professional mental health support and therapy. Today, I'm going to be sharing my therapist reaction to the Disney+ show Moon Knight.
My disclaimer
First things first, I have to say that despite my name, I'm not a big comic book fan. I've only read a few in my life but appreciate them as an art form. That being said, I won't be reacting to the authenticity of the show to the source material and how graphic novels move in the culture because I'm totally ignorant to all that, just to put that out there.
A Brief Introduction to Moon Knight
That being said, when I first heard a new show called Moon Knight was going to hit Disney+ I was mildly interested - not because I knew of the source material but mostly because I've seen so many people excited about Oscar Isaac and his work (which I don't think I've seen anything of before Moon Knight, to be honest!). But, I love superhero content and WandaVision was previously a stand out for me as a mental health advocate, superhero fan, and sitcom aficionado.
So I went into Moon Knight not knowing much of anything except for the show centering on Egyptian themes and I heard some rumblings about mental health content, which always piques my interest.
As I started the watch the show in the first couple of episodes, I found it to be pretty standard superhero fare - which is to say, I liked it. There's good action sequences and the characters are very mysterious early on, which is a bit refreshing as I've seen so many characters get a million variations (see: The Batman). Isaac's performance is a great insight into this talent - especially as he switches between the troubled, but lovable Steven Grant and the mysterious mercenary Marc Spector.
*spoilers are ahead*
Moon Knight and Dissociative Identity Disorder
I recently saw Oscar Isaac on Stephen Colbert and heard him talk about the character struggling with mental illness and DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). I took a bit of issue with this in the earlier episodes especially as the relationship between Marc and Steven is framed as a connection forced by Khonshu, rather than something inherent to Steven's psyche. At least, this was my interpretation. If it's some spiritual/mythological kind of possession, it couldn't really be considered DID, right?
Well, I've just finished episode 5 titled "Asylum" and things make a lot more sense.
We learn that not only is Khonshu not responsible for the split/connection between Steven and Marc, we learn that the relationship between the two predates everything we've seen in the series so far. We learn that not only is their relationship one forged by grief and trauma (and is true DID) but we also learn that Steven is an alter (an alternate personality) and Marc is the OG personality and psyche.
*mind blown*
In the episode we witness how Marc came to develop the persona of Steven as a new way to feel fearless and grounded in his day to day life. Steven was created by Marc in response to the incredibly traumatic loss of a younger brother when he was a child and the lingering trauma of living with an abusive (and grieving) mother and a father who was, apparently, just trying to do his best. We learn that the recent breakdown of the alter/primary relationship is because Marc's mother has recently just died.
These revelations also make sense of the relationship between Marc and Layla, who early on in the series is insistent that Marc drop the act (of being his British version Steven) and explain his vanishing from her life with no explanation.
Clip source: Moon Knight via Disney+ YouTube
What Moon Knight represents well with DID
First of all, DID is very rare with prevalence hovering around .01% up to 2% worldwide according to various sources (like here and here). Here are a few things that Moon Knight seems to get right (so far):
DID is often represented by distinct personality states - although most folks have multiple alters (Jane on Doom Patrol captures this well)
Dissociative amnesia (memory loss) during episodes is common (we see this early on as Steven struggles with sleeplessness and episodes of amnesia, particularly at night)
Created personalities tend to offer places of psychic refuge and protection for the primary personality or host (Steven helps Marc avoid his traumatic past and abuse)
Healing and treatment is often marked by an attempt to integrate or balance the personalities (as referenced in the journey on the boat with Taweret in episode 5)
What comes next?
Now that the show has broken the dam, so to speak. I imagine that we won't get a lot more content or background on DID. As a therapist, especially one who appreciates shadow work, I think this episode did a great job at showing the journey from unconsciousness to consciousness and working towards integration of the different parts of self, which I think is something that most people could connect to (rather than DID, given how rare it is). We all have parts of us that we hide, consciously or unconsciously, and that impacts how we think and act. Services like shadow work help make meaning of this kind of material.
I think from here, it's likely that even though we witness the death(?) of Steven in the episode we will likely see an integration of Steven and Marc, which will allow them to get back to the superhero business at hand and prevent Harrow from fully releasing Ammit and finding some sort control in the relationship with Khonshu.
This is, of course, all speculation on my part and I have no idea what's like to come next! That's the best part of watching this kind of show. When you step into a whole new world, you never know quite what to expect. The point I love about stories (in writing, tv and film, etc.) is that maybe it affords a helpful place to think about our own stories with mental health...and be well entertained in the meantime.
Are you watching Moon Knight? What do you think of the show and its portrayal of mental illness?