What does it mean to be sex positive?
I was having a discussion with some colleagues recently about how we communicate with clients about our own comfort in talking about sex and sexuality issues in counseling. I said that I considered myself to be a therapist that is, "sex positive, kink positive, LGBTQ and poly affirming.
"But what does that really mean?
Being sex positive isn't about having a healthy dose of enthusiasm for sex, but more so about adopting a perspective that is affirming of diverse and individual forms of sex and sexuality. That is, where traditional notions of sexuality are about controlling behavior through shame, judgment and perhaps guilt, being sex positive means operating from an entirely different lens. It means affirming an individual's right to enjoy the kind of sex they're having, who they're having it with and however frequent feels right for them. That is, as long as that sexuality is between consenting parties (legally, ethically and morally).
Being sex positive means affirming the various ways in which people enjoy expressing themselves through their sexuality. In essence, sex positive reinforces each individual's right to self-determine what works for them sexually.
As a therapist, this means that I approach each client's sexuality with an open mind. Instead of inducing shame, it's about helping clients get the most out of their sex lives while minimizing any concerns or negative consequences. Often, this includes helping couples figure out ways to rekindle their sexual lives and helping individuals become more comfortable in owning their desires and attractions.
Many of us have been taught that sex and sexuality are things that we should feel shame about. Sex positivity isn't about being pro sex but more so about reducing that shame and stigma so that whether you are highly sexual or asexual, you find the best way to make your sexuality work for you.
The Impact of Legislating Discrimination
Representatives in the House and Senate in Tennessee have moved to implement Bill 1840 (Amended Senate Bill 1556) which has far-reaching consequences for consumers seeking mental health services in the state. This marks an ongoing trend of anti-LGBT and so-called "religious freedom" efforts across the United States.
With increased visibility often comes increased hate and backlash. Many states have started to bring up bills to vote based on fear and ignorance under the guise of religious freedom. Most notable as of late are Mississippi and North Carolina's so-called "bathroom bills". Both are based on the egregious and uninformed notion that trans people are sexual predators who will sexually prey on women and children in public restrooms (favor for such bills ignores the potential of male victims altogether). Never mind that most sexual abusers are known to the victim and have regular access to the people that they abuse. According to the U.S. Department of Justice's 2013 National Crime Victimization Study 82% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger. Given that, it seems like there's no real need for so-called bathroom/locker room "protection".
Recently, Tennessee decided to allow professional counselors to deny services to consumers whose views oppose the counselor's own "sincerely held principles" (originally worded "religious beliefs"). This bill, to my understanding, has been given to the governor for approval. You wouldn't want to work with a counselor who doesn't support who you are or your identity, right? Sure. But what if your options were limited and you needed help now? Where would you turn?This kind of legislation may pose a bigger problem than you think. Here are some startling statistics to consider:
In 2014, approximately 43 million Americans lived with a diagnosable mental illness (SAMHSA, 2014).
The economic impact of untreated mental illness in any given year in the United States is in excess of 100 Billion Dollars (NAMI, 2006).
As of 2010, approximately 246,000 adults live with serious mental illness in the state of Tennessee (NAMI State Advocacy 2010).
According to McIntosh (2009) 874 Tennesseans died by suicide in 2006 (NAMI State Advocacy 2010).
According to "Grading the States 2009: A Report on America's Health Care System for Adults with Serious Mental Illness", public emotional health services only treat 34% of adults in the state of Tennessee who live with serious mental illness (NAMI State Advocacy 2010).
What does this all mean? With about 20% of Americans dealing with mental health issues every year, you can imagine the impact of a bill like 1840 in Tennessee which allows for counselors to deny services based on "sincerely held principles". Many who need licensed professional help and may be living in crisis aren't being reached. Those not in crisis, with limited support options may go untreated. Legislation such as Tennessee Bill 1840 (Senate Bill 1556) only serves to add yet another barrier to those in need of support.
Consider this scenario: You're a 19-year-old young man living in small, rural Tennessee town. You've recently come to terms with your being gay and feel very isolated in your community. You have limited access to finances and transportation and your parents are unsupportive. You realize that you need someone to speak to. You reach out to a licensed counselor in your area for help because lately you have been having thoughts of suicide. You call this counselor and let him or her know what you're struggling with and they say, "I don't believe in homosexuality so I'm afraid I can't help you."' You can imagine that impact on those words on a depressed man. There is no hope that you can get the help that you need. There is no escape to your suffering, not even from a person whose mission is to help. You have may no other options.Lives are at stake here. The quality of someone's life is at stake when they're reaching out to mental health services like therapy. Without ongoing support they may continue to struggle in isolation, see their health and conditions worsen and possibly even resort to suicide. This is the impact of legalizing discrimination. It should be noted that the current version of the bill prohibits counselors from denying services to someone who is actively suicidal.
Not only does 1840 violate the ethics of most professional counseling associations, it also opens up concerns of liability and complications for issues of malpractice if laws like this stand. That's not to mention that this new proposed law would even go as far as to also bar the counselor's professional body, such as the American Counseling Association, from holding the counselor responsible for an ethics violation. Of course, you wouldn't want for a young gay man to be working with someone who doesn't "agree" with his sexuality. That's obviously not ideal for that client. However, if your options are limited and your mental health is a matter of life and death immediate support and intervention can be critical to someone who is otherwise isolated and struggling. My fear is that legalizing these kind of efforts allows for a very slippery slope in the high standard which we should hold fellow counselors. Mental health issues are a public epidemic and with bills like 1840 in Tennessee coming to fruition, I can only imagine how dire circumstances may become for so many who are struggling day in and day out to live healthier lives. Bills like these also further contribute to the ongoing stigma that many oppressed communities face, especially when trying to seek care.
With increased mainstream visibility of LGBTQ issues, it seems that some are dedicated to promoting legislation that not only promotes discrimination, but like Tennessee, limit care to those who truly need it. Please urge your local legislators to take mental health care seriously and make a conscious decision to make supportive care MORE accessible and affordable. Without our unified voices, I fear that the state of the country's mental health will only worsen and we simply can't afford that to happen.
There are many more bills popping up across the country with reference LGBTQ communities. Huffington Post's "Everything You Need To Know About The Wave Of 100+ Anti-LGBT Bills Pending In States" provides a lot of great insight on the status of such bills.
An Extra Dose of Positivity via Love Has No Labels
Instead of sharing the post I had planned for today I want to take a departure from my normal writing just to share a little bit of feel good material to help you get through the week. With all the negativity and uncertainty in the world, I wanted to share something equally as powerful and meaningful.The following video was taped back on Valentine's Day 2015 by Love Has No Labels and really is just a representation of so many different types of love. The message of the video really resonated with me this week and I thought it would be great to share here as an extra dose of positivity and inspiration. If you're prone to feeling mushy like me, you may want to have a few tissues handy. Enjoy!