The Academy Awards Shine a Light on an Important Topic
There has been a lot of controversy regarding the #OscarsSoWhite and the lack of diversity amongst the academy's nominees. While I think there is much to be said about Hollywood and its diversity problem, there are two names that I think should be on everyone's minds on this day after the Oscars: "Spotlight" and Lady Gaga.
Earlier this year, Lady Gaga released a powerful song and music video titled "Til it Happens to You." For the singer, it marked yet another diversion from the typical pop world which is now often littered with dance-y beats and lyrics that really aren't all that coherent. As a survivor of sexual assault, Lady Gaga utilized her extremely powerful voice, literally and figuratively, to share a message about abuse while showing an example of a thriving survivor. She has also recently been vocal in her support of fellow pop star Kesha, who has been fighting a court case for years now with her record label which is related to her allegations that a record producer sexually assaulted her. There has been a lot of controversy over the statements that she has made, especially in her deposition years ago. And with recent allegations against Bill Cosby resurfacing, Hollywood has had a lot to deal with relating to sexual assault.
At the Academy Awards on February 28, 2016 Lady Gaga performed her song "Til it Happens to You" which was nominated for Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song). You can view her performance below:"Spotlight", which is a powerful film about a talented group of brash journalists investigating sexual abuse in the Catholic church in Boston, is based on a true story. This film took home the biggest trophy of the night for Best motion picture of the year. With this film winning best picture, it's clear to me that the voting Academy chose to send a very clear message about sexual abuse which is so incredibly important in this day in age. Paired with the visibility of a survivor like Lady Gaga, the combination of "Spotlight" and the singer is a powerful punch against abuse and a very clear message to survivors of sexual abuse, "We believe you. You matter."
I had the opportunity to see the film "Spotlight" several weeks ago and I had no idea at the time that it was up for best picture. After seeing the film, the win is much deserved. The cast is an incredible collection of acting talent and despite all the failures of the criminal justice system to hold abusers responsible, I think this film serves as a very real reminder to the many men, women, boys and girls who have survived abuse that there are people invested in their stories. People care and this is an issue that we must continue to speak about openly if we are to enact real change in not only the healing for survivors but also holding abusers accountable for their actions. The spotlight is on and I hope we never look back into the darkness of ignorance again.
One Man's Story of Suicide
Approximately every 40 seconds someone dies of suicide around the world (source).
As a therapist, I've worked with clients who struggle with thoughts of suicide. Some even have histories of attempts. When you feel like you're constantly engulfed in the shadow of depression and hopelessness, suicide can appear to be a viable option to escape the pain and emotional turmoil. Feelings of isolation and loneliness can further attribute to the risk of suicide. Helping people work through that pain and isolation is one of the reasons I've decided to become a therapist and why I find it to be such fulfilling work.It's not often that people let us see behind the curtain of suicide, especially not in a very public forum like YouTube. When I stumbled upon the video titled "My Suicide Story" by vlogger Travis Bryant, I was struck by his honesty and willingness to share so much of his story publicly. I felt that many of you out there might be able to relate to his story of coming out and coping with thoughts of hopelessness and suicide.
If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, there are resources that you can reach out to that can help you RIGHT NOW. Here are a few that I think you might find helpful:
National Suicide Prevention Line: 1.800.273.8255
Trevor Project (LGBT youth and young adults): 1.866.488.7386
LIFENET (New York City): 1.800.543.3638
Trans Lifeline (for trans & gender non-conforming adults): 1.877.565.8860 (USA), 1.877.330.6366 (Canada)
You can watch Travis' story below.
An Open Letter to Yankees Ace CC Sabathia
Thank you.
Gratitude was my first reaction to the news that came on October 5, 2015 when you released a statement announcing that you would be entering rehab for alcohol abuse. After my initial shock and surprise at the announcement, all I could think of was how grateful I was that you made such a public declaration. While I can only imagine the range of emotions you must have felt to be so publicly vulnerable, I am so thankful that you have chosen to use your status to bring attention to such a devastating issue as substance abuse. Your family must be so proud of you for stepping up to the plate once again and taking control of what I can only imagine has been a very troubling time in all your lives.
I write “thank you” because I think we will feel the impact of your announcement for years to come. Your vulnerability offers many men an example of how even the strongest of us face difficult times. As an athlete in our modern era of what seems to be full of overgrown adolescents, you have shown us an example of what courage, authenticity and maturity looks like. And it is doubly important that you have done this as a Black man.In many communities of color, mental health and substance abuse issues are often swept under the rug.
More often than not, these issues are thought of as "White people problems". I imagine that even with your example, there will still be many who think you are somehow removed from Blackness because you have chosen to seek treatment. It is a sad reality that we live in. Thankfully, you have chosen to do what is best for both you and your family. With that action, you have given many Black men an example of what a strong man looks like. And with less than 9% of all folks who are challenged by alcohol abuse seeking treatment, you taking responsibility for your alcohol abuse speaks volumes.
It is hard for Black men to show vulnerability. As boys we were taught that anger and frustration are the only ways to be a “real man”. As we grow up and mature, we are faced with challenges in relationships that require us to be more present, more open, and more vulnerable. As adults, we can no longer hide in the “tough guy” paradigm of masculinity. But many of us do. Many of us take on the burden of being a strong man, which we often forget means that we must also be vulnerable and loving to our spouses and families, demonstrate courage and take responsibility for our actions. When challenges cross our paths we often adopt that "we real cool" stance that author Bell Hooks so eloquently wrote about. This allows us to maintain a façade of enduring strength.
Meanwhile, on the inside we battle our own obstacles in silence. That's what makes your statement so powerful for so many of us. Not only are you an example for people struggling with substance abuse issues, you show all of us what taking responsibility looks like. You show all of us how to embody strength and vulnerability. Your status as a Yankees ace and a public figure means that your declaration has reached so many who have been touched by addiction.As a Yankees fan, I have admired your work on the field. You are a gifted athlete. Your performance and statistics document your achievements very well. However, I have to say that I don't think I've ever been in more awe of you as a man than the day you released your public statement of your impending treatment for alcohol abuse. As a mental health counselor I work with people struggling with addiction. I work with many men who are struggling to live authentic lives in a culture that says that they cannot be vulnerable and that they cannot falter. The pressure to live up to such an incredible standard can be debilitating. Alcohol becomes an escape and a socially acceptable refuge.According to the National Institute of Mental Health, over 6 million men in the United States suffer from depression each year. According to the Center for Disease Control, men consistently experience higher rates of alcohol related deaths than women in the United States every year. It is estimated that alcohol may be a factor in 50% of suicides. And with people of color accessing mental health services in lower rates than our White counterparts, your statement provides an example of a Black man seeking care. I have no doubt that your journey will serve as a beacon of hope for other men who may be struggling with similar issues.
I am inspired by your honesty and I think that while you face your challenges head on, you've given us the opportunity to pause and take stock of where we are within ourselves. I know I have and I thank you for that.
I'm sure many other people will too.
Black Boys Describe What it Means to Grow Up in America
There has been a lot of conversation, more so lately, about racism across the United States. Several high profile incidents have not only sparked new conversations about race, policing and institutional racism in the United States, but have also led to protesting and even rioting.
After a racially motivated hate crime in a church in South Carolina, the constituency gathered their voices to express concern over the Confederate Flag remaining on the state capitol building. The flag, seen as a symbol of separation and racism for Black Americans, was removed from the building after legislative action in July 2015. This was after a Black woman, Bree Newsome, independently removed the flag and was subsequently arrested. The removal of the flag has been met with a great deal of controversy, however, as some (mostly) White Americans have relished in the flag as a cornerstone to Southern history. However, the impact of its visibility cannot be understated, especially to Black descendants of the slaves who were traded and sold in the antebellum south.This incident as well as many others has prompted further discourse among and across racial groups, which desperately needs to continue. There must be consistent advocacy work to address and dismantle institutional racism whether it exists in our policing systems, housing systems, or economic and educational sectors. There is still a lot of work to be done.
Dismantling racial discrimination is particularly important to foster a greater sense of unity among all the nation's people but also because it has a particularly strong and insidious impact on Black Americans. These consequences are all encompassing and cover a wide range of issues for Black Americans such as:
Distorted self perception and internalized racism
Overrepresentation in the criminal system
Heightened vigilance and anxiety
Depression & psychological distress
Poorer living conditions
Less life satisfaction
Lack of access to needed resources
Limited socioeconomic mobility
A consistent pressure to be perceived as "good" or "non-threatening"
The NY Times published a video of young Black men talking about their experiences living in America which demonstrates some of the emotional consequences of growing up Black. Please see below.If you are feeling the effects of racial discrimination, please read my previous post 3 Powerful Ways to Cope with Racism. And if you're looking for some suggestions on how to be an effective ally in fighting racism, 11 Things White People Can Do to be Anti-Racist Allies via Alternet.org is a great resource.
Does your child need help?
Over the years, in my practice, I have witnessed the longstanding effects of unresolved trauma in both younger and older adults. For some families, the parents just aren't sure that their children might need psychological assistance while others may experience barriers to accessing appropriate care. Sometimes therapy isn't considered as a viable option because parents may not realize how helpful child therapists can be in helping set up their children for better and brighter futures. And let's admit it, "therapy" is a culturally daunting word wrought with baggage and stigma.
As a parent you have spent months, or even years, trying to control or manage your child's behaviors to no avail. You may feel like you have failed in some way, but that's not true. Making the wise choice to take action and get help for your little one is the most caring and healing thing you can offer them.Sometimes children exhibit problem behavior and emotional challenges that are of particular concern to parents and guardians. Early intervention is the key to potentially preventing more serious mental health issues in the future and can help foster a deeper, more communicative bond between a family. Identifying the problem and seeking professional support is the key to fostering a healthier child who may be experiencing emotional difficulties.
It can be difficult to decide whether or not your child may need support for behavioral or mental health issues. One of the most common indicators that your child may be in trouble is problematic behavior. This may include behaviors observed at home and/or at school.For the most part, young children haven't yet developed the language to adequately describe and express their feelings. This can often leave parents feeling like they're in the dark about what's going on with their children. Here are some indicators that your child's behavior might require professional attention:
Your child displays frequent aggression towards people and/or animals
Your child frequently loses their temper
S/he destroys property
S/he blames others for their mistakes
S/he refuses to obey rules
S/he routinely skips school
Bed wetting (especially alarming in post-potty age children)
Changes in your child's sleep or appetite
Your child routinely stays out late past curfew
S/he has stolen property
Your child has ongoing difficulty in social situations, maintaining work or staying in school
If you observe these behaviors in your child, do not be afraid to ask for help. Seek out a local therapist or professional counselor who specializes in working with children. They will work with your child to help them embrace and develop age-appropriate behavior and help them understand the impact their behavior has on others.For more information on child and adolescent mental health you can visit this page by the National Institute on Mental Health.