Redefining Help: How to Become an Effective Caregiver
There are many different ways to become an effective caregiver. When it comes to supporting someone with mental health issues like anxiety or depression help can take on many different forms. There is no one right way to offer support to someone who may be suffering. But, there are some basic ideas to keep in mind if you're trying your best to help someone that you care about.
Presence and persistence are key
If you have ever suffered with depression or anxiety, then you may know how pervasive and debilitating these conditions can be. They are persistent and insidious. They often turn seemingly innocuous comments or questions into backhanded slights. Everyday tasks can turn into burdensome or debilitating events. Anxiety and depression can leave you overwrought with frustration and agitation. If someone you love is going through this, don't give up. Do your best to out live and out run their diagnosis. Your persistence in being there will be incredibly healing.
Deal with your own emotions and fight caregiver burnout
One of the most difficult parts of supporting someone who may be dealing with mental health issues, especially someone that you are close to, is that it can also have an emotionally draining impact on you as a caregiver.Being close to someone coping with mental health issues is tough, especially when you are there, day in and day out, doing what you can to offer your support. At times you may feel frustrated that they aren't quite able to get better or take the steps you feel are necessary for their health and recovery. Sometimes this can lead to feelings of anger and resentment. And it goes without saying that it is tremendously difficult to continue to see someone you love suffer. It's a special kind of emotional torture, in a way.Because emotionally supporting someone can be so tough, many caregivers struggle with "burnout", often referred to as compassion fatigue in the psychological community. As a caregiver, make sure that you are practicing emotional awareness and good self care as much as possible. This will also help you continue to offer the best support to your loved one that you can.
Focus more on the person & less on the "problem"
It is a noble cause to help rid a loved one of their anxiety or depression and it's hard to watch someone you love suffer. It's always wise to share resources and offer practical strategies to help alleviate their suffering. However, it is with a word of caution that I encourage you to focus less on the problem (i.e. the anxious or depressive feelings) and focus more on the person themselves. Show them that you care about them and not just their condition or illness. Don't only talk about their difficulties but show up as you would for any other friend or loved one.Have fun dates together. Go to amusement parks. Join a book club together. Break bread. Show them that your relationship with them is greater than any difficulty they may be facing. This kind of support and just 'being there' can be an incredibly strong source of energy and support that your loved one may need in their recovery.Often, in our lives, we can get very busy and bogged down with the details of everyday life. When you're close to someone who is struggling with mental health issues, it can be difficult to find your way in providing support while also taking care of your other daily responsibilities. It is important to remember, no matter how bad things may get, that there are things that you can do to continue offering your care and compassion. Helping isn't one easily identifiable strategy. I hope that these thoughts will help you do what you can to help support both yourself and a loved one as you continue to move forward in your journeys together.
Lady Gaga Speaks to Prince William About Mental Health Stigma
Stigma is one of the biggest mental health concerns of our time.Stigma, negative judgement and perception of being 'broken' are all things I hear from clients as barriers they faced when they finally make it into therapy. The more that we can put mental health on par with physical health, and see the two as inextricably linked, the better we equip people with the courage to obtain the professional support they need.I'm so grateful to have come across this conversation between Lady Gaga, one of the world's most famous performers, and Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, as they talk about the importance of emotional health. The Royal Family's younger generation has taken up the task of eradicating stigma with their Heads Together initiative and it has produced some worthwhile conversations, such as this one.You can watch the fascinating call between the two below.
What does it mean to be sex positive?
I was having a discussion with some colleagues recently about how we communicate with clients about our own comfort in talking about sex and sexuality issues in counseling. I said that I considered myself to be a therapist that is, "sex positive, kink positive, LGBTQ and poly affirming.
"But what does that really mean?
Being sex positive isn't about having a healthy dose of enthusiasm for sex, but more so about adopting a perspective that is affirming of diverse and individual forms of sex and sexuality. That is, where traditional notions of sexuality are about controlling behavior through shame, judgment and perhaps guilt, being sex positive means operating from an entirely different lens. It means affirming an individual's right to enjoy the kind of sex they're having, who they're having it with and however frequent feels right for them. That is, as long as that sexuality is between consenting parties (legally, ethically and morally).
Being sex positive means affirming the various ways in which people enjoy expressing themselves through their sexuality. In essence, sex positive reinforces each individual's right to self-determine what works for them sexually.
As a therapist, this means that I approach each client's sexuality with an open mind. Instead of inducing shame, it's about helping clients get the most out of their sex lives while minimizing any concerns or negative consequences. Often, this includes helping couples figure out ways to rekindle their sexual lives and helping individuals become more comfortable in owning their desires and attractions.
Many of us have been taught that sex and sexuality are things that we should feel shame about. Sex positivity isn't about being pro sex but more so about reducing that shame and stigma so that whether you are highly sexual or asexual, you find the best way to make your sexuality work for you.
Korn frontman Jonathan Davis on His Mental Health & Recovery
"It does get better. It takes time." - Jonathan DavisThose are the words of musician Jonathan Davis, known as the frontman for the band Korn. In an interview for the You Rock Foundation, Davis talks about his experiences dealing with anxiety, depression and recovering from trauma. He also talks briefly about his struggles with substance abuse before getting professional help and how recovery is still a work in progress.This video includes some NSFW language.
Should You Be the Same Race or Gender as Your Therapist?
One of the things that I am most often asked in my phone consultations with folks is about matching between client and therapist along gender or race lines. That is, should you be the same gender or race as your therapist? As with most answers in psychology...it depends!
Finding the right therapist to work with is no easy feat. First, there is the research. You scour search results of sites like Google or sort through results on directory sites like Psychology Today in order to find a mental health professional in your area (with payment terms that you're comfortable with). You may not even know what you're supposed to be looking for! Should you have someone of your own race or should you not care? Does it matter? What about gender? Then, you make a quick call or schedule your first session and anxiety sets in. Now, you actually have to go.
It takes a lot out of you.
Research exists on the topic of matching between client and therapist along racial and/or gender lines, and the results are mixed. Based on the research that I've seen, there doesn't seem to be much difference in terms of treatment outcomes as it relates to therapist/client matching. That is, you are likely to gain similar outcomes if you are Black man meeting with a Black male therapist or a While male therapist. Are you surprised? Me too.
Of course, this all starts with the basis that there is no, or very limited, bias on the part of the therapist. The research indicates that therapists of all races, who are comfortable with their own racial identity and competent in working with clients of difference racial groups, are equally efficient. That's particularly good news if you live in an area where you are not able to find a therapist of your own race, if that is your preference.
When it comes to race, it seems that you can be sure a therapist of any race that is competent in working with your racial group can be effective at helping you work through your biggest concerns.
Another idea that I found interesting about the research is that the length of treatment IS affected by therapist, client match. Specifically with regards to race, there is research that indicates that while match doesn't so much matter for White folks, Black folks are more likely to stay in therapy longer when matched with Black therapists.
The research on gender (or sex) matching between therapist and client is also mixed. There is some research that indicates that, similar to race, gender matching makes no significant difference in terms of treatment outcomes. However, there is research that indicates that women tend to stay in treatment longer when matched with women therapists. Inversely, men may be more likely to drop out of therapy, and sooner, when matched with male therapists. Go figure.
It should be noted that all research attempts to explain trends that are able to be generalized about the population at large. Some research does a much better job at this than others. So take all of this information with a grain of salt.
At the end of the day, what matters most is who are you most comfortable sitting across from. When you're empowered with an answer to that question, you will be much more comfortable and prepared to work through your concerns with a therapist than you can grow to trust and lean on.
Additional suggested reading on the topic: Your Therapist is White. You're not. Is this a problem?